Blue Light Special
by GateGrrl560
Summary: Carson Beckett Rodney McKay an unknown Ancient device. Carson knows he shouldn't touch it but when has Rodney McKay ever taken no for an answer? When he triggers the device, Carson gets more than he bargained for. Rated PG-13 for language.


**Blue Light Special**

A/N: This is the second of my LiveJournal Fanfic100 challenge stories. I was looking for motivation to keep writing. Looks like I found it. Looks like I found a challenge as well. Which is a good thing, after all, what's life without a challenge? Its my first attempt at humor. Hope you like it.

"For the last time, Rodney, no!" Dr. Carson Beckett recoiled from the device thrust under his nose.

"Come on, Carson..." McKay followed the doctor around the corner of the lab bench, "how am I supposed to conduct research on these things if no one will help me?"

"Ask Major Sheppard. I'm through playing guinea pig for the likes of you." Carson folded his arms across his chest in a futile attempt to shield himself from Dr. McKay's advances.

"I did ask the Major. He's busy doing major stuff." McKay frowned. "So I need you."

"I'm busy too." Carson retreated along the long edge of the bench, past computer tablets and lab samples waiting analysis.

"It won't take long. Come on Carson, just touch it." McKay's voice morphed from demanding to whining.

Carson hated whining. He knew it was his breaking point and that he would give in to Rodney's demands. He knew Rodney knew it as well. _Bloody hell, why can't that man annoy someone else?_ Carson suspected McKay had badgered Major Sheppard about the device until the Major had threatened to shoot him.

"What is it and what is it supposed to do?" Beckett cast a skeptical gaze at the small cube-shaped device in McKay's hands.

"We're not sure. I think it is a data recorder. Zellinga, Zilwenka, what's-his-name, thinks it might play music, sort of the Ancient's version of an MP3 player." McKay sniffed, dismissing the idea as absurd. "We won't know, until **someone** turns it on."

"If I do this, you'll leave me in peace..."

"Yes, yes, just turn it on."

"For the next two weeks. No 'Carson, touch this, hold that.' You'll leave me be?"

"Yes, fine. For the next two weeks, I won't ask for your help."

"Very well." Carson sighed, resigned to his fate and stretched a tentative hand to the device McKay set on the lab bench.

McKay stepped back, laptop in hand to record the results. Carson's hand hovered over the cube while he gave it a quick inspection. It gleamed softly under the bright laboratory lights, its matte metallic surface absorbing more light than it reflected. Repeating geometric symbols were etched in its sides. Carson thought it looked more like a pretty version of those photo display cubes people kept in place of picture frames.

"What are you waiting for? An engraved invitation? Touch it already." McKay's impatience had his nerves buzzing and his fingers twitching.

Carson sighed; he really didn't want to touch the thing. _Oh well, it looks harmless enough._ He rested his hand lightly on the device. The surface was warm under his touch, not unpleasant actually, and he allowed a small smile when he realized the device wasn't flashing, buzzing, shocking or exploding. Nice, maybe, for once, he'd walk away from a McKay-Ancient device encounter unscathed.

Beckett's smile faded as his sensitive fingers detected a faint vibration in the cube. He snatched his hand from the cube and jumped back from the bench. He wasn't fast enough. The top of the cube opened with a soft click and a fine mist caught him full in the face.

"Ah, bloody hell, Rodney, what is that?" Carson wiped a hand across his face, slinging the droplets off his skin.

"God that smell..." McKay's commentary was interrupted by a bout of violent sneezing. "What the hell...flowers?" He sneezed again.

"Rodney!" Carson retreated to the sink and splashed water over his face. "I thought you said it was a music player."

"Zingwinka said it was a music player." He sneezed again. "I said it was a data recorder."

"Well I guess we can bloody well rule that out now, can't we?" Carson blinked tears from his stinging eyes. "Just my bloody luck you find an Ancient air freshener."

"You don't suppose that stuff is toxic? With my allergies and all..." McKay punctuated his statement with another sneeze.

"I don't think so; otherwise I'd be dead now."

"You! What about me? I was standing right there, you know."

"Aye, and I'm the one that took the face full of that...that...what ever that is." Carson rubbed his own itchy nose. The scent of flowers was cloying, clogging his nose and making his eyes water.

"Yes, well...I'm the one allergic to pollen."

"It's doubtful that stuff has pollen in it, Rodney." Carson coughed, choking down his nausea from the thick, sickly sweet stench clinging to his person. "We're through here. I'm taking a shower."

"But my allergies?"

"Take a Benadryl. You'll be fine." Carson stormed out of the lab, stripping off his lab coat and slam-dunking it in the laundry bin on his way out the door.

_Damn McKay and his gadgets anyway._ Carson stood under the steaming shower, scrubbing away flowers and tension in equal measure. _No good ever comes from me touching those things._

He turned off the water, stepped from the shower and toweled off. He rubbed the towel through his hair, soaking up water. Carson dressed quickly, slipping on a fresh uniform. He'd already bagged his floral clothing for the laundry. The sooner those were washed the better. His room still smelled faintly of flowers and reminded him of simpler times and his days in Scotland. In a small dose, the flowers weren't that bad. He hooked his earpiece over his left ear and headed back to the infirmary and his lab.

At least now he had two weeks of pure bliss. No interruptions, no 'turn it on, hold this, touch that'. The floral scent had washed off fairly easily and Carson considered he'd paid a mild price for his two weeks of McKay free demands. Lost in his own thoughts, he didn't notice the looks and the double-takes he received as he walked down the hall.

"Dr. Beckett?" Marie, his head nurse looked at him with wide eyes and raised eyebrows.

"Yes, love." His brow furrowed as he noticed her peculiar expression.

"Uh...Dr. McKay...is...wants to see you."

"Is that Carson? It's about time he got back here."

Carson sighed. His McKay free day was going to have to wait. He stepped into the alcove where McKay sat on a bed, his arms folded across his chest. Sheppard and Teyla stood beside him looking down at the physicist.

"Yes Rodney, what can I do for you?"

"Carson?" Rodney's face wore a carbon copy of Marie's.

"He's been sneez...whoa Doc!" Sheppard blinked and snorted a laugh into his hand.

Teyla said nothing. Her left eyebrow climbed to her hairline as she regarded the man standing in front of her.

"What? Why are you all looking at me like that?"

"Uh Carson...have you...uh...um...looked in a mirror, lately?"

"No Rodney, I haven't. I've been rather busy with research and then **someone** needed me to turn on some Ancient doohickey...Why?"

"Ah Doc...You...ah...might want to take a look."

"Major! Rodney! Does somebody want to tell me what's going on?"

"Dr. Beckett," Teyla wore her diplomat's face. "I believe this is something you need to see for yourself."

Carson looked at his friends and wondered if they were under the influence of some alien substance. He crossed the infirmary to the restroom and stepped inside.

"BLOODY HELL! MCKAY!"

Major Sheppard, Rodney and Teyla exchanged a look before collapsing in helpless gales of laughter.

Carson stared at his reflection. _What the hell?!? What has he done to me now?_ He blinked. He stared. He blinked again. He rubbed his hand over his face and stared again. He was going to kill Rodney McKay. Right after he turned that Ancient air freshener cube into a hemorrhoid treatment for an astrophysicist.

Blue. He was blue. Not a pale, light baby blue. No. He was blue. Cobalt blue. Deep cerulean blue. He was a deep dark sapphire blue. He leaned into the mirror for a closer look. He closed his eyes, rubbed his hands over his face and looked again. Yep, still blue. Oh yes, he was definitely going to kill Rodney McKay.

He tried washing his face. If anything, the blue intensified. Beckett unpacked a sackful of Gaelic swear words and launched them at his reflection and Dr. McKay. He heard the snorts of laughter from the infirmary and considered adding a few names to his hit list. _Something I need to see for myself._ Teyla had a gift for the understatement. He glared at the mirror as he listened to the conversation on the other side of the door.

"He looks like a Smurf."

"What is a Smurf?"

"Small, annoyingly cute cartoon characters. They run around singing all the time."

"I do not think Dr. Beckett feels much like singing."

"He's not very cute either. So which one is he?"

"Which one what?"

"Which Smurf?"

"Oh, I think Grouchy Smurf."

"I don't know. Sounds more like Potty Mouth Smurf to me."

"There is no Potty Mouth Smurf, Major."

"There should be since I don't think he's in there singing your praises." Sheppard glanced at the restroom door. His eyebrow rose at the not so muffled cursing emanating from behind the door.

"Do you think he's really mad?" Rodney turned apprehensive eyes toward the door.

"I'd say that's a good bet."

"You should not tease Dr. Beckett. This must be very...distressing...for him." Teyla's lips twitched with her admonishment.

Carson stormed out of the restroom, swearing and glaring at his giggling colleagues. He fixed a baleful eye on Rodney. McKay didn't miss the look.

"Oh crap. Oh God, I'm a dead man."

"You bloody well knew something like this was going to happen!" Carson folded his arms across his chest and blocked the alcove, effectively cutting off his friends' escape route.

"I swear Carson, I didn't. I mean...if I knew it would do...that...I would have waited for the Major..."

"Hey! You turn me Rainbow Bright, I'd shoot you." Sheppard rested a hand on the 9mm strapped on his thigh.

"You wouldn't. Oh God, you would." McKay swallowed hard. "Teyla..."

"I would insist on extra practice with the Bantos."

"Well I guess it's a good thing Carson's not like that. He doesn't believe in physical violence." Rodney chanced a glance at the physician.

Carson hadn't moved. His expression hadn't softened either. A thoroughly pissed off Carson Beckett was scary. A thoroughly pissed off brilliant blue Carson Beckett was the stuff of nightmares.

"No, Carson doesn't subscribe to physical violence since he's the one that's stuck putting you back together. And he's standing right here you know."

"Yeah McKay, be nice. It's not fair to pick on a guy when he's feeling blue."

Carson turned the full wattage glare on Sheppard.

Sheppard shrugged. "Sorry Doc, but it's kinda hard to resist."

"Try, Major." Carson's voice was mild but his eyes were steel. "And I'll try to resist giving you lot a round of vitamin shots with the largest needles I have."

Major Sheppard backed around the bed, leaving McKay at the forefront to face Carson's wrath.

"Rodney, is there a reason you're cluttering up my infirmary? Other than tormenting me, I mean?"

"I...um...it's nothing. Really. I just...I can..." Rodney leaned away from Carson.

"McKay."

"Major."

"Gentlemen, Teyla just who I was looking for...Carson?" Dr. Weir's eyes widened at the sight of her CMO. "Carson, you're..."

"Blue, yes Elizabeth, I am well aware of that." He glared at Rodney again.

"It's not just his face; he was cussing up a blue streak too." Major Sheppard added. He smirked at McKay as the scientist choked on a snicker.

"Thank you, Major, but I don't think I need any more commentary from the peanut gallery."

Elizabeth shook her head. "Do I want to know?"

"Well I needed somebody to turn on a device. I thought it was an Ancient data recorder but it wasn't..."

"It sprayed me with something." Carson cut McKay off at the pass. "I've analyzed the substance. It's harmless, but it does react adversely with Earth based soap. I'm afraid I'm going to be sporting this new look for a couple of weeks."

"Well at least it's not for a blue moon."

"What is a blue moon?" Teyla tilted her head at her teammates.

"A very long period of time, lass. No it won't be for a blue moon. It will just seem like it." Beckett seemed to deflate as he answered her.

"Was there something you needed Dr. Weir?" Carson turned his attention to the expedition leader.

"I was just on my way to the mess hall. Rumor has it the cooks have a fresh baked batch of muffins and I was wondering if any of you cared to join me."

"Muffins...really...what kind?" Rodney's eyes gleamed at the prospect of a treat.

Elizabeth hesitated, glanced at Carson. "Blueberry."

He shook his head sadly as his friends and colleagues dissolved into hilarity once again. They clung to one another as they wiped tears from their eyes. It was a futile effort when Peter Grodin announced the movie night special feature as Blue Lagoon.

They were left paralyzed with laughter when Eiffel 65 blared the chorus of 'I'm Blue' over the city wide intercom.

Carson sighed. _Aye, the next two weeks would seem like a blue moon indeed._


End file.
